Tequila Smackdown

Last weekend I woke up with the faint memory of Saturday nights cross dresser, panther like bar tender and the shirtless men in the gay bar. I remembered how I was jamming like I was all of 16 again, busting moves that would make an 80 year old cringe. Goodness, I still have it, lots of it. Or so I thought, because as with any good story I got smacked back to reality. The euphoria was swiftly replaced by a little reminder of how my body did not entirely appreciate the shock to the system. I felt like I had been sucking on a smoke machine, and that there was a blunt object lodged in the back of my head. As usual my stomach felt like the Queen Elizabeth Two was chartering through choppy waters (note this is usually the only symptom of the morning after the night before i suffer with). The only difference between this hangover and every one before it is that I could count the number of drinks I'd had on almost 1 hand. That in my books is like sipping on ice tea for an entire evening. A grand total of 4 Tequila's each chased by a sparkling water and 2 Ciders. That is all, how could I possibly feel like this? Where was the dancing queen from last night? No pun intended.

Sadly my en-devours did not end there. There are very few limits to my bad decision making.

Let me properly set the scene here. I have been on incredibly good behavior since August last year. This was when I decided it was time to stop playing around and commit to a swanky new lifestyle. There was only one rendezvous with my beloved Absolut, which left me feeling rugby tackled, but that I expected. The past two months have been squeaky clean, cleaner than the floors in these two adverts clean.

The extent of my change is always reflected first in my tummy, the smallest amount of anything unclean leads to tummy ache, heart burn, dizziness and regret. My liver always remains strong like mother Russia (most of the time). It just never occurs to me while I'm swinging from the chandeliers what the next day will have in store for me. I never quite realize what I've done until it's too late.

Tequila is like that bad relationship you keep going back to. You know it's not good for you, but you can't seem to help yourself. I had sworn to myself that we had broken up for good. Until that is that I decided to test the theory. Maybe, just maybe there was something worth saving in this relationship? So almost reborn liver and I went on another date. A menage e trois with Tequila, I'm sure you can guess the outcome.

Date night was an old mates birthday, a really good wine, endless amounts of catching up, chilled Tequila and a game of Pig Out. More bad decision making. Crazy amounts of fun, neighbour waking, and laughter, which left me battered, bruised and with a 2 day hangover. Never ever, not even with my entire life span of partying like a pirate have I ever experienced that.

I'm not telling you all this because I think I'm a champ. I'm telling you this because I've had a moment here. I've realised that there has been a major change in me. That my body does not appreciate the toxins. That I need to be gentle on my old bones. That living clean is who I have become, and that extends way passed my eating.

I've had a not so gentle wake up call. I felt like utter trash, was nearly completely brainless, and bitched and whined at my self inflicted misery. I'll be taking a massive reassessment of my bottomless super power, because frankly its not me anymore. There truly is an element in this change that I have tried to duck and dive from, because I thrive on craziness. I will unfortunately always be a hooligan. I just need to be smarter about it. This is not an easy decision for me. I have been the life of the party for many years, I have the craziest bag of party memories you will ever come across, former event hosting mistress extraordinaire, wife to Absolut Vanilla Vodka, and a rep of being the favourite dance floor thumper and Tequila buddy of all time. Again - living clean is who I have become, I have awakened to this. I just need to figure out where to from here, I can still be that person, just minus the intense over indulging...

As a result, I need to remind myself of the following:

1. When you give your body what it wants it appreciates it and won't settle for less.
2. There is no need to drink yourself awesome, you own that title already.
3. You're really not a nice person when you're fragile, and lately being fragile hurts real bad, for a while...

Do I pledge sobriety? Nope. I would be lying if I said yes. Do I pledge to think before I drink? HELLS YES! Do I pledge to not go on a crazy bender like that again? As far as I can help it, yes! Is it over between Tequila and I? I think so...

I am fully committed to this new me. I am giving myself the best fighting chance that I can. To have what you have always wanted, you must do what you have never done. And to date, Tequila has not given me much.