Crazy Dreamer

I remember being a little girl, probably around 5 or 6 years old. I had crazy curly hair, lively blue eyes, the imagination of Van Gogh, and every kind of stuffed toy, tea set, and doll a little girl could ever want to call hers. However despite my mountain of treasures, there was one in particular that I yearned for. At my tiny age and with spell bounding innocence, I had learnt what "want" was. What a burning desire was.

I remember lurking around the CNA to find my precious, peeping around corners, my little heart thumping in anticipation, and then being completely mesmerized when I saw her. Imagining how different my life would be if she were mine. Hawaii Barbie. Man she was beautiful. Long multicoloured hair, grass skirt, flowery garland, and every other element  Barbie had that fascinated little girls at that age. She was all my little heart wanted.

Not much has changed when it comes to wanting things in my life. I don't know half measures, so I want what I want with everything in me. Right now, I want bigger things than I have wanted in a very long time. I have a need, a passion, a goal, a hunger, a dream. A crazy, crazy dream.

I have been struggling so much with this blog, because this life changing realization leaves me both excited and scared. Completely struggling to articulate here. I watched this video and a little something clicked into place. I had long since recognized that this was a new venture I wanted to embark on. I came around and saw that it was possible, and knew this needed to be a part of this blog. This vid was a game changer for me.

Wanting more out of life is a natural human reaction or natural progression. Wanting extreme things, is well extreme. Wanting things pretty much out of your own comprehension, is madness. If your dreams don't scare you they aren't big enough right? Well, my dream is nothing short of scary. It’s going to take everything in me to push for it. Luckily, I have proven countless times over the past while and couple of years that I have the mind of a Nazi when it comes to focus on a cause.

I want to live a life of meaning. I life fuelled by passion, fuelled by life itself, by a dream to become a better me. I want to live a life whereby I am able to touch and transform lives. Help people attain and reach goals they never thought would be a reality. I want to live the life that I always wanted but never expected to be able to have.

This is coupled with the stark recognition that in order to completely meet and surpass every goal I ever set in terms of fitness and weight loss, I have to fall hopelessly and completely in love with this lifestyle I have adopted. I have to become it. It has become entrenched into every part of my being. I am very nearly completely there.

As a result future feels like it hangs in the balance. There is a duality in my head, half of me wants to keep in marketing and be the corporate bitch I have aimed for, for eons. Or go full on into Digital Advertising. Nothing would give me more joy 6 months ago than a Queen Bitch Exec Title. Then of course, there is the other half of me that wants to become a Personal Trainer, move to Cape Town, gaze at the mountain, and transform lives.

Yes, I just dropped PT up there.

Nuts hey?

And no, its not entirely new.

I say it often, I am an incredibly passionate, all or nothing person to my core, and every waking moment is spent on my journey. I am so consumed by it that it scares me sometimes. I can hardly remember a time when I was as committed to anything as I have to this. I want to grow and nurture that. I want to do for people what those who have held me up on my journey have done for me; I can think of no greater honour.

I think of the future and with absolute unwavering conviction I know what I want to fight for!

My crazy ridiculous larger than life dream?

Studying the following in this order, within the next two years.

Nutrition- Yoga - Personal Training

My current studies make me yawn, endlessly and uncontrollably.

Looking for schools for all of the above has brought out a blazing inferno in me that just isn’t being tamed, or put out.

I have an endless curiosity and I want to have the best understanding of Nutrition that I can get. I was a Wellness Coach for 18months, and loved the endless info and insights into the human body. It’s time to grow, and hone those skills in. Utilize them as a part of understanding one of the many aspects of my transformation.

Yoga and Personal Training have always been at the back of mind. They have always been there, but I never deemed either possible. Yes I do know exactly the kind of work and commitment it will entail, but I also know what my strengths are beyond any shadow of a doubt. I also know that the last thing this world needs is "another personal trainer". What the world needs is a PT who truly has her shit down, who has walked the road, faced the demons and came out on top. Who understands the elements needed to guide inspire and motivate. When I'm there I'll be able to tick all of the above off. My continuous strive to be the absolute best at what I do is going to pay off in immeasurable ways.

To be honest I remember bumping into an old mate of mine who; I didn't realise he knew other mates of mine who were trainers, nor did I realise he had studied with them. I had half jokingly said I would also love to be a trainer, and he said "You'll have a lot of work to do, but it can be done". If not, why the fuck not?

One day at a time is all it takes to make a life.

So, I want to ask you, how big are you dreams? How scary are they? Are you willing to go the distance for them? Do you have conviction? Do you recognize that motivation and starting don't necessarily come in that order?

I want you to think about the things that you have really, really wanted, and brushed off because you would be an idiot for believing it could work. How different would your life have been if you put aside self doubt?

What is that you want? When are you going to go after it with both hands and everything in you?

The above video, left me on the verge of tears, and riddled with goose bumps. It hit home in ways that I had never experienced. It shook me, it opened me up, and it has cemented within me. I have seen it before, but for the first time inside the depths of me I knew that the only thing crazier than my dream is not pursuing it.

I have grasped that at the end of my journey I will have a story of bravery, courage, and determination mirrored by few. That at the end of this I will want to devote my life to transforming lives. To showing people their own personal power.
If I'm changing my life, why stop short of greatness?