Coming out the closet. Feels so good

Isn't it just the most magical thing? I truly try not to get consumed by the number, but damnit man, it’s a beautiful feeling. Besides what the scale says, the elixir of life is in fitting into something you once adored that you have since given up on. It’s in not feeling like the Michelin Man in your winter woollies. It is most certainly in someone asking where the other half of you went to. And without wavering doubt, in this “thread whore’s” life, it’s in tearing through your cupboard because nothing fits for all the right reasons. There is plenty coming out my closet, whether it finally fits or is just too bloody big.

My mission to blazing hotness kicked off in August last year, which is winter in South Africa. I felt multiple kinds of uncomfortable in my own skin, and with winter being the least flattering season out there it’s no surprise that I felt trapped inside my meat suit. As a result I made some changes and lost bucket loads of weight, and embraced a leaner new me. This new me is smaller, happier, comfortable in her own essence, and looks mighty fine in her chevron peplum top, or white skinny pants. All this in just over a year.

This winter I rocked out like a Kardashian on a rampage! I have worn an item that has been in cupboard, unworn and not even thought of in two years. First Hurrah! I fitted into my “winter wardrobe” better than I ever have, like better than when I initially bought most of this stuff. Which of course made me realize just how much denial I was in about my size. Yikes. Never the less, second Hurrah. And Third hurrah. I have this absolutely gorgeous jacket that I bought and wore almost to death, and I had not worn it in three entire years. This year, as you can I’m sure guess it was back on my body, looking better than ever!

It doesn't end there though. Seeing as I had shrunk to a note able degree, I figured it was time to take a stumble into the closet of doom. The one where nothing fits, where everything was bought for one day when I’m a skinny bitch, and the one that breaks my heart worse than any man ever could.  It is filled with amazingly beautiful dresses, tops and skirts in every style, colour and texture known to man. It is filled with my ambitions and goals. They are trapped, and its up to me to save them. So yes, these little stumbles usually only happen when I am feeling somewhat masochistic, and once I have summoned all the Dutch courage I can from a bottle or three of chardonnay. Despite going in armed with all my hope and might I normally get the thrashing of my life, a harsh smash from reality which leaves me wounded and on the verge of tears. However on this day, I went in sober and come out drunk on a sense of indescribable victory. For the first time I slayed the terror that arises from the cupboard.

In a majestic turn of events I retrieved over 20 items that have been hanging, waiting for me to one day show them to the world. Tiny pants. Tops in every colour that I can describe. Blazers. Things with frills. Things with flowers. Some that are even now too big. There are items that I thought were only ever going to be a fantasy. My favourite fulfilled fantasy is being able to wear a relaxed cream shirt which I like to believe would be seen on Kerry Bradshaw, I waited 2 years to fit into that baby. She finally came out of the closet. I will never forget the escalating rate of elation as each new item I took a chance on, fitted. Nor will I forget the complements I received when I wore something out for the first time. A true testament that I have worked my ass off, and am looking damn good for it.

Yes there is still a small truck load of clothing in smaller sizes left to go through, and get into, but when that day arrives I will wear each one with an unmatched level of pride.

I have passed my clothing that I have graduated from on. My “tight skirts” were fitting about as well as potato sacks. My pants looked like I needed a nappy change. And my shirts were living an empty life. It was time. I am confident I will never - as in ever - need them again. I am also confident that their new owners will graduate out of them too.

I say it every January (I think we all do) – watch me in December, going to be new levels of ridiculous hotness. Now no, I’m not getting ahead of myself, I might not be completely ridiculously hot, but erm f*ck I am damn closer than I was last year. This is going to be my hottest summer yet, and no, that definitely has no reference to the weather. Looking and feeling amazing in my threads aside, there is a rock star quality that is shining through, and well, you can’t hide awesome. I am going to rock -  the – shit – out – of – E V E R Y T H I N G!!!

As always I want to see exactly how far I can take this mission of mine, live the best life imaginable, see just how banging I will end up looking, and treasure every clothing size between now and then. 

Confessions and progress.

I hope deep down you are as radically thrilled as I am to see this post. Unfortunately I haven’t been swept away by prince charming, but rather caught up in the Tsunami that is my life.

It’s taken me 3 months to write a new blog, and just as long to smash through a barrier. Not that I tried very hard to break said barrier, but anyhow, moving along swiftly…

In my absence I have written and not finished multiple blogs, thanks to my major squirrel brain issues. I have stressed myself into a coma (not really, but you know, close enough). I have written the most important exams of my life, they are the sheizze stirrers on the stress front. I have brought the dead to life in my own little make believe zombie apocalypse, and was social media diva and event assist to my first race - a Zombie Run. I met a devastatingly amazing man (strictly platonic) who has shown me a thing or two about the person I would want to share my life with, something I hardly ever admit to. An even more devastatingly amazing man returned home from London after 14 years, my brother, before you get excited. I have completed my first AND second Warrior Races! They have more than proven to be the most incredible things I have done in my journey to fitness. The last one especially reminded me of what a long effing way I have from that first slayer of a Trail Run (I still have a double holy-shit every time I think of that). 

I have also in the last month of my absence rekindled my love affair with - dare I even admit it - KFC. I felt like a dirty hooker with a bad smack addition every time I pulled into the drive through. You know it’s worse for you than herpes, but that’s not a deterrent – in the least. They picked the wrong time in this princesses life to re-launch the Double Crunch. Just saying. Stress makes me do majorly crazy things, but, luckily I have that shit under control now. There may or may not have been some Wine and Vodka involved. I’m not telling but you are welcome to crack a guess. I will confess to one lonely Long Island Ice Tea though. That isolated cocktail was a stark notice that having the liver of a Viking is no longer one of my qualities, my new found cheap-date-ness did make for a fabulous evening though.

Now now, before you think the world has ended and that I’m completely off the rails, a massive thing on the achievement aspect is that there was no Sushi or Pizza. That right there is two Mother Russia sized wins for me. Hoooorah! For those keeping track, that makes me over a year clean of Sushi, (before you tell me it’s healthy, I have my reasons here), and now 4 months clean of Pizza. Faith restored? Yes, I do believe so.

Some more reports to rescue civilization is that I have just completed an outrageous 21 day cleanse.

This is 21 days of:

-          No Alcohol

-          No Sugar (by choice)

-          No Caffeine or stimulants

-          Full Veganism

-          And daily Reiki treatments

 You might say kill me now… but I am done and I smashed the hell out of that cleanse.

Let me put some things into perspective quickly - Vegan day and I do not get along too well. I am the girl who: planned Bacon for breakfast on a Vegan Day; who put Honey AND Butter in her oats on Vegan Day; and who made an epic Vegan Day bread – with eggs in it.

As you can imagine, this 21 days of awesome is a ridiculous triumph. There were a few slip ups with butter, and there was a questionable wrap, but in my defense I may have starved to death without it that day…

No caffeine was just as interesting, I was yawning until 2pm on my first day, and felt very much like the zombies my race was planned around - brainless and blood thirsty. My first coffee after my cleanse came with the sound of little fat angels singing, it was all I never knew I wanted.

Aside from being the soul food I hungered for, the cleanse came in perfect time and was the pimp slap back to reality that I needed. It was about as subtle as a kick to the balls, took no prisoners and made sure I put an abrupt halt to the f**kery.

In short, what that means is that I am back on track. Back to thrashing workouts. Back to eating more spinach than Popeye. And back to kicking down doors and taking names.

It has been a while in that department. 

  

The shock to the system has clearly hit me like a double lightning bolt because this bitch is getting leaner by the day. It’s been an uphill battle to see the numbers drop, so imagine my minor shriek when I got on the lying tramp other people call “the scale”, and discovered that she had good news for me.

In less than a week of my mammoth cleanse I was ahead of where I was 3months ago when I started this mission. Winning – for - days! I am still steadily making progress in this little department, and am glad to be off the fence where that barrier was concerned. It took what felt like eons to creep passed 110kg’s but I am finally there. 

All in all there is progress in persistence, and even though there are moments of weakness and stupidity, there are always goals that need to be stalked until you can rugby tackle them and make them your bitch. Get on your goals like a Joburger on Ballito beach. Be  winner, not a whiner! Face new challenges with determination, and if you fail at first, don't let it be your last.