Madness and Euphoria

NOTE. This a fore warning, there is some major PG13 language up in here. You may have guessed this by the blog image. HAAHAA. Don't be shocked, this is real, and me, and how I speak. Also, you may want to ensure you put any warm beverages aside if you're a saddist, and enjoy my humour, there is bound to be spillage.

I have just spent 30minutes, screaming with laughter in my car on my drive home. Not because I am bat shit crazy, but because I have come to the conclusion that I am incredibly quick to say that was crazy, or INSANE, or hardcore. 

Let me tell you, what I have just done, was the hardest thing I have done in my entire fucking life. Honest to god. Everything before that 6km Trail Run suddenly feels pretty average. 

I started off with a little trot, thinking this ain't so bad. I'm strong, I can do this. This was quickly replace by a "Woah, there sailor, you have clearly forgotten, you don't even run in your dreams". So I did my usual power walk. There was a little uphill. Again, this isn't so bad. I'm strong. I can do this. Much huffing and puffing already. I had long since broken a sweat. I had yet another moment of realization  that I am "gym fit" I can thrash the shit out of a workout, but running and endurance and I do not get along. Little 5km Park Runs and I get along sweetly, but as soon as I step up the pace, I am put in my place.

I thought I was put in my place. I joked about last weekends hike, with the hills, and the bugs and the potential threat of hill billy's. I joked about hills making me their bitch. Shit just got real today! Fucken fast.

In all my history of training and pushing and workouts I can only remember one lonely occasion where I nearly puked during a workout, that was my very first session with my personal trainer. Yes I'm strong like Mother Russia, because believe me I push myself. Today, I nearly "Power Spat" about 10 times going up the hill. Came so close at a few points I was looking for a bush, and wondering if the martials overhead would see me in my fast approaching very un-lady like predicament. How I didn't, I actually can not tell you. Said hill from today was every insane workout I have ever done, crunched together and amplified by around 100. That shit will kill people. As I was going up, I thought "Its no wonder they ask for your medical aid details when you enter".  I even deployed Mr Carl Cox and a Techno onslaught to fuel me, it failed dismally. I have never, ever, in my entire life, done anything like that. Not even close.

"Started from the bottom now we're here." This is about midway up.

I tackled that hill after my legs were ready to quit. After my head was seriously wondering what the fuck I had gotten myself into. After I for a split second wondered how far it would be to get my ass back. Again, strong like mother Russia. The mind is indeed a powerful thing.

Walter Sisulu has made me his bitch. Again, I have jokes, and I have said this often, today it really happened. I even did a little bum surfing on some loose rocks during the decent to consummate this union.
Speaking of bums, if i keep that up, I will have an ass like the Rock of Gibraltar. Motivation much? I think so!

There was however a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, when I got to that water station, I felt like the first Arab that struck oil. Elated is putting it mildly. But the real light, was seeing my girls waiting for me after they had long since finished up. This also has something to do with me having their phones and car keys, haaaaaahahahahahaha, well played there Mich. Kidding. ;)

"The Dream Team" - Louisa, Miss Faboosh, Tanya & Farrah

Friends don't do that to friends. No. Real friends encourage one another to push themselves, which is exactly what Farrah did when she pushed me to enter. Thank you to Farrah, Louisa and Tanya for sharing this with me, and pushing me. That finish line was a shining moment in my life and journey. Next time I'll sprint to finish for you, when I'm not so broken.

I am so forever fucken proud of myself for that spat of sweat, near tears, and sheer relentless drive.
I have set the bar pretty damn high for myself now. I can now say "On a scale from 1 to Merrell Autumn Trail Run, stop kidding yourself, its about a 2. Harden the F up and push harder". I didn't come in stone last, but I did bring up the rear, with my almost 2 hours long near death experience. But I did it, and I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a machine in me who is boss. That my heart is much stronger than my head, and that I can conquer much more than mountains.

Event Details - Merrell Autumn 6km Trail Run, organised by Mountain Runner
http://mountainrunner.co.za/

Moments of definition, joy and swearing.

mo·ment

  [moh-muhnt] noun

1.

an indefinitely short period of time; instant: I'll be with you in a moment.

2.

the present time or any other particular time (usually preceded by the  ): He is busy at the moment.

3.

a definite period or stage, as in a course of events; juncture: at this moment in history.

4.

importance or consequence: a decision of great moment.

5.

a particular time or period of success, excellence, fame, etc.: His big moment came in the final game.

This passed week has been full of moments, little fragments of time, the greater majority of which just snuck by me, and escaped into the abyss of every other moment passed. There were however a handful that really struck me in the most pleasant of ways. A moment remains just that until it is lived, felt, absorbed, remembered.

.:A Moment of Wonder :. 

Just before I got out of bed I felt I needed to address the sensitivity (understatement of the year) in my legs. I had killed them for a week, and payback was being a bitch. So I lifted them up, and silently said I was sorry. It was then that I appreciated that they are transforming, and seriously taking shape. Slimmer, sleeker, more defined. No they weren't perfect, but even in my more than half asleep state I was in awe. They are mine and this was the beginning of a beautiful love affair. Now be aware, I have always hated my more than generously proportioned Swiss German calves. Until one day I decided screw this, I quite like wearing skirts, and then out of nowhere I received compliments? My legs? These kick a ball to Cairo legs? And no, they definitely were not admiring my tan either. I was shocked to say the least. Having said that, the afore mentioned love affair is a big thing for me. My thighs, shit damn, possibly my proudest effort yet.

Then, while going about my morning whirlwind I did a double take in the bathroom mirror. Again not perfect, but when on earth did that happen? I've shaved off 102cm's in 8 weeks, and only now do I wake up? Yes I have noticed how differently everything is fitting, I have noticed gradual changes. This morning in particular though I was really taken a back. Everything has shrunk, and it could have been over night for all I noticed. The fact of the matter is that one day you notice that the person staring back at you has changed considerably.

.: A Moment of Weakness:.

One of my darling brothers had been up for a week long visit, and with him comes an onslaught and utter gauntlet of everything anyone eating as clean as I have prays to never come across. From little Kinder Easter Eggs, to a cocktail of cookies, and Whiskey. It is never pretty. My resistance is pushed to its max, although this time around I was quite surprised at how easy it was to walk passed and not be in the least phased by what he has to tempt me.

That is until I wondered how the chips and Fanta made into my mouth. No really, I was so incredibly shocked by this! Before I had even grasped what was happening, what I had done, what the crunch in my mouth was, I had a bottle of Fanta pursed to my lips, washing down Lays, with a semi satisfied smirk on my face. This was so normal for me at a time in my life, and yet now that moment of realization felt a lot like I imagine an out of body experience would. My higher self was frowning down, asking "What the actual f**k is going on here"?

I made it almost made it 7 entire days, before this little incident. Which is about 7 times my previous records. I can also go on to say that I had two sips of Whiskey, and decided it wasn't for me. Shock. Horror. Trips over jaw. I also had about 4 fries before I decided they taste like nothing and would be a pointless one way ticket to self loathing.

I'm totally human, and okay with the shit I caught on to. No one is perfect, and I am far from it. Point is, I saw the error in my ways and moved right along. I am more impressed by what I had overcome and recognized, than I am ashamed of my slip up.

.: A Moment of Adventure:.

I just don't do the out-doors. The bugs, Grasshoppers especially. The spiders (I can tell you many a story here). The fear of sunburn. The lack of 3 star and above toilets. The thought of being caught in a hill billy trap. You know, all completely rational reasons. So when people invite me to go camping or hiking I let out a scream of laughter, promptly followed by, No.

I remember hiking in high school. Heavy bag, two days of walking, and swearing, and not packing the right clothes, shoes, or food. Joy. I also remember being so freaked out by the silence that I called a mate back home and asked him to put the radio on so I could here music. Again, joy, and swearing.

So when I actually agreed to go for a hike, the person who invited me waited for a "Just Kidding". They never got it. Out of sheer bravery or stupidity I try everything once, sometimes more than one to cement what an idiot I an be. I agreed to a baby morning session, at Suikerbosrand, a nature reserve which I have been going to for many years, and enjoyed from the comfort of a car.

As always I never get the opportunity to ease in. I was pushed into the deep end, face first, hard and fast. Flat straights are for girls apparently, unadventurous girls. We went STRAIGHT up the first hill before my pre-workout had realised it was in my stomach. Joy, and swearing. De-ja-vu. I was hit by shock waves of realizations that yes, I can thrash the ish out of a workout, but hills will make me their bitch. After what felt like a lifetime of torture I decided it was time to retreat. I did not comprehend that getting down, made going up look like a walk in the park. Who ever said "Where ever you, be all there" was a hiker, trying desperately not to see their arse. Focus of a goggle eyed chess titan, let me tell you!

By virtue of me posting this, it means I survived this ordeal. I will be honest and say it was cool. I did not enjoy it. What I did enjoy though was pushing myself, and I have decided I will rehash this to continue doing so, and to build and work on my fitness goals. Who'da thunk it?

.: A Moment of Reflection :.

Suikerbosrand has this magical treasure of a "Tourist Route", a 60km route with the most amazing views, and a chance to see Zebra's, buckies and dung beetles (which make me wanna say "they see me rollin' "). The reserve is also now frequented by RUNNERS and cyclists, which makes you feel like a total douche in your car as you take in the scenery. I'm no where near that hardcore, so enjoy yourselves and shout if you need a lift. Toodles. 

With my legs still shaking, and Goldfish pumping in the background I was hit by more than a little nostalgia. A year ago I was miserable at work, had every excuse under the sun as to why I could not hit the gym, and actually just wanted a change. The last thing I would have done a year ago was take a trip up a hill, at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning. I would not even have done so for love or money. A year ago I wouldn't have dreamt of finding so much fulfillment in my swanky new current lifestyle. Never did I think I would go without wine and sushi for the length that I have (which by the way I would sell my grandmother for at the moment). And yet, here I am, having just hiked around 5km's give or take, I have hit my workouts like a ton of bricks, and achieved more in 2 months than I have in a lifetime of dieting.

Rather Ironically here is the Goldfish song playing in the background while most of this was cruising through my head.

Three Second Memory By Goldfish

(Lyric's by David Poole and Dominic Peters except Chorus by Marlena Shaw)

...Do you remember me

I don’t even know anymore and

I’ll tell you this for free

Something’s don’t make sense in the morning

Three second memory

Helps you to forget all the same and

Sometimes it’s what you need

To move on with life again

Life again, strife again

She rode off on her bike again

Perfect ten, never again

I don’t know quite where to begin

There’s evidence that ever since

She left perfume and finger prints

I won’t let you 

I won't let you won’t forget you... 

With all these moments, where is my here and now? I think its fairly obvious that there is a lot going on in my head. From goals I need to set, to ridiculous long term dreams that will get their own blog. That I seriously need to either have clothing items (specifically pants) taken in OR I need to hit the shops. Next 360XBT challenge is coming up, whoop whoop! Its a mess up there, which is not new.

A week or so ago I made a commitment to me, to the next year, to my journey. I'm quite chuffed with my decision to dive straight into the deep end. I've been sworn to secrecy (by someone else not myself, that would be weird) so I can't spill all. What I can say is that I am proud of the decisions I am making. I am proud of my journey, and my progress.

I have also made a promise to myself to not let so much slip passed me. So much of my life runs by with barely a glimpse. Its amazing how conscious I have become. How much more aware I am of things around me. Almost as though I am awaiting a new big moment.

Each moment if we really live in it, allows us to connect more with life.

What do you need to do to start living?
What are the moments that bring you to life?

Think about that for a minute.

WORKOUT HARD, WORKOUT SMART, CHANGE YOUR BODY

"WORKOUT HARD, WORKOUT SMART, CHANGE YOUR BODY"

Fitness goals are often met with the hope of shortcuts and quick fixes. Let me tell you something today! It “ain’t gonna” work! I don’t care how effective, eloquent, passionate, exciting, enticing, encouraging the infomercial or the marketing campaigns are…nothing compares to the results you achieve when you workout hard, workout smart.

And I am not talking just about the physical benefits. Fitness as a lifestyle goes FAR beyond the physical. It reaches right into the heart and soul of your being! It seizes the very fiber of who you are and even forms the cells of your future being.

Fitness is LIFE.

And life should be met with everything we’ve got. Not a shortcut, a quick fix, a wimpy hope or dream. I say it all the time but you only have one body, one life. And it should be met with passion, intensity, vision, wisdom, determination, fearlessness, conviction….Your life should be lived head on, full bore, hardcore.

We all do that differently but we should all do it! No excuses!

And your physical fitness is irrefutably linked. Workout hard, workout smart, workout with all the qualities I mention because your LIFE depends on it. Whether you wish to accept it or not the quality of your life is dependent on the quality of this choice.
Yea, you may think you are living the good life even though you may admit to being a bit pudgy; to having a few aches; to not being as agile as you were a few years ago.

But so many others are far worse off, right? So you’re not doing so badly really. Why should you bother yourself with a workout every day much less to workout hard, workout smart? You’re golden just by giving it a glancing blow once in while…so you think.

Listen to me for a minute. You may, in the standards of mass society, be doing okay. Your belly my not hang all the way over your belt and a quick jaunt around the block may not leave you gasping for air like a beached fish, but is that the best you can do? I think you could be doing better by your body and yourself.

Your body was not designed for this modern way of sedentary life. And whether you think it is or not, that reality affects far more than just your physique. Think about it this way. Just as your career was not built on shortcuts, those houses and cars weren’t bought and maintained on cheap, half efforts, neither is your body and the YOU that lives inside of it.

I am so OVER all these quick fixes for our lives. Workout Hard, Workout Smart.
What if our creator were into shortcuts and quick fixes? What if we were created the way we now choose to live; to fuel and engage our bodies? Think about the horrors of that idea.

Your body was made to move. And your heart, soul…the spirit of who you are revels in activity…it rejoices and thrives in the face of physical challenge just as well as your physical body does. So stop looking for the easy way out. Workout hard, workout smart and change your entire life.

I’m serious. I’m ready for the real deal and real people who want the real deal…an authentic life! Aren’t you ready too?

Don’t fall prey to the slow fade that leaves you believing that shortcuts, fast track solutions, and slick marketing campaigns have the answers. They don’t. That’s why you are still here…still short of your goals; still just hoping and dreaming. It is never going to work…not for life…and I mean LIFE!

Make up your mind that you are worth it. That you are worth more than a slimmer waist and a few muscles. Decide that you are worth it mind, body and spirit…through and through, inside and out. And then get in there and workout hard, workout smart and feel the LIFE that surges through your veins.

Sure it’s gonna hurt. Your lazy body will kick and scream and throw an all-out temper tantrum. So what. Do it anyway.

You know what? One day, in the not too distant future the sun will rise on a day when you see it as essential for your day. Miss that workout and your body throws a fit for a new reason. Why, because it is life; it is how you were designed to live and whether you have accepted it or not your body knows it.

Gyms and workout plans weren’t always part of life. But modern ways have removed the physical from our lives. But we are blessed to have ways and means to overcome the present lack. And unless you want to go back 100 years and work the farm, embrace fitness with passion and purpose for more than just your physique. Workout hard, workout smart because you can and because your life depends on it.

It truly does whether you’ve been willing to accept it or not. But today is a new day and you have a choice. Will you embrace what you have resisted but is the very thing that will deliver to you the life you want and were born to have?

Workout Hard, Workout Smart…there is NO Excuse!"

Written by: Carl Mason-Liebenberg - http://bit.ly/17ra06q

I have adopted this piece of writing from Carl because it hit me about as hard as a kick in the face.
I truly needed to share it with you, in the event that you needed that little reminder of what you want, a reminder of what you are capable of, a reminder of what you have committed to - yourself.

I needed to put it up here, so that I could have a reminder of all of the above. I need to be able to read this every time I need that push, that reminder of why I am here, and what I have committed to.

There is pure pure power in here, it is to the point, and yes all up in your grill, but frankly it gave me a long hard stare down at what is really going on.

Yes, I give it my all, but truth be told, there is always that little voice that compared what I'm doing now to what I did, and thought was great. There is a slip in eating here and there, because its not completely off the rails, but not clean regardless. It allows for excuses as to why I can have a longer rest period; as to why I look at Turkish Get Ups and think "f*ck this for a complicated crock of sheizze". This thinking allows for a little slack and thus a little room for improvement.

I'm going into my last month of training for this season, and it is all or nothing. I am making a full commitment to ME! Where there is room for improvement I am going to own it. Be it in my workouts, in my eating or in my daily hustle. I have a number of goals to knock out, and I'm going to get there by letting the faintest little excuse in.

There are no shortcuts, drive the miles.
There are no quick fixes, just better smarter decisions.
Stop selling yourself short, be everything you are capable of.

Workout Hard, Workout Smart…there is NO Excuse!" #JustLikeThat

Tequila Smackdown

Last weekend I woke up with the faint memory of Saturday nights cross dresser, panther like bar tender and the shirtless men in the gay bar. I remembered how I was jamming like I was all of 16 again, busting moves that would make an 80 year old cringe. Goodness, I still have it, lots of it. Or so I thought, because as with any good story I got smacked back to reality. The euphoria was swiftly replaced by a little reminder of how my body did not entirely appreciate the shock to the system. I felt like I had been sucking on a smoke machine, and that there was a blunt object lodged in the back of my head. As usual my stomach felt like the Queen Elizabeth Two was chartering through choppy waters (note this is usually the only symptom of the morning after the night before i suffer with). The only difference between this hangover and every one before it is that I could count the number of drinks I'd had on almost 1 hand. That in my books is like sipping on ice tea for an entire evening. A grand total of 4 Tequila's each chased by a sparkling water and 2 Ciders. That is all, how could I possibly feel like this? Where was the dancing queen from last night? No pun intended.

Sadly my en-devours did not end there. There are very few limits to my bad decision making.

Let me properly set the scene here. I have been on incredibly good behavior since August last year. This was when I decided it was time to stop playing around and commit to a swanky new lifestyle. There was only one rendezvous with my beloved Absolut, which left me feeling rugby tackled, but that I expected. The past two months have been squeaky clean, cleaner than the floors in these two adverts clean.

The extent of my change is always reflected first in my tummy, the smallest amount of anything unclean leads to tummy ache, heart burn, dizziness and regret. My liver always remains strong like mother Russia (most of the time). It just never occurs to me while I'm swinging from the chandeliers what the next day will have in store for me. I never quite realize what I've done until it's too late.

Tequila is like that bad relationship you keep going back to. You know it's not good for you, but you can't seem to help yourself. I had sworn to myself that we had broken up for good. Until that is that I decided to test the theory. Maybe, just maybe there was something worth saving in this relationship? So almost reborn liver and I went on another date. A menage e trois with Tequila, I'm sure you can guess the outcome.

Date night was an old mates birthday, a really good wine, endless amounts of catching up, chilled Tequila and a game of Pig Out. More bad decision making. Crazy amounts of fun, neighbour waking, and laughter, which left me battered, bruised and with a 2 day hangover. Never ever, not even with my entire life span of partying like a pirate have I ever experienced that.

I'm not telling you all this because I think I'm a champ. I'm telling you this because I've had a moment here. I've realised that there has been a major change in me. That my body does not appreciate the toxins. That I need to be gentle on my old bones. That living clean is who I have become, and that extends way passed my eating.

I've had a not so gentle wake up call. I felt like utter trash, was nearly completely brainless, and bitched and whined at my self inflicted misery. I'll be taking a massive reassessment of my bottomless super power, because frankly its not me anymore. There truly is an element in this change that I have tried to duck and dive from, because I thrive on craziness. I will unfortunately always be a hooligan. I just need to be smarter about it. This is not an easy decision for me. I have been the life of the party for many years, I have the craziest bag of party memories you will ever come across, former event hosting mistress extraordinaire, wife to Absolut Vanilla Vodka, and a rep of being the favourite dance floor thumper and Tequila buddy of all time. Again - living clean is who I have become, I have awakened to this. I just need to figure out where to from here, I can still be that person, just minus the intense over indulging...

As a result, I need to remind myself of the following:

1. When you give your body what it wants it appreciates it and won't settle for less.
2. There is no need to drink yourself awesome, you own that title already.
3. You're really not a nice person when you're fragile, and lately being fragile hurts real bad, for a while...

Do I pledge sobriety? Nope. I would be lying if I said yes. Do I pledge to think before I drink? HELLS YES! Do I pledge to not go on a crazy bender like that again? As far as I can help it, yes! Is it over between Tequila and I? I think so...

I am fully committed to this new me. I am giving myself the best fighting chance that I can. To have what you have always wanted, you must do what you have never done. And to date, Tequila has not given me much.

Becoming the most XTREME version of me.

As the old cliché goes, life begins at the end of your comfort zone. For me, it began with 360.

I had been toying around with getting fitter and stronger for a while. Did a few challenges, got on my treadmill as though it would be my ultimate savior, ate salad to death. You know, the usual. There was always a lack of total commitment. I always wanted the body of a swimwear model, but never did I actually drive the miles to get it.

Come my birthday in January (remember that special Quarter Life Crisis I told you about), I ensured I got what I wanted and dropped all the right hints to get gifted with a sign up for the 360XBT 3 month transformation. Clean up your eating, and get ready to sweat was all my mind was bargaining for. I would never begin to fathom how much of an influence and impact it was going to have on my life.

Let me start by telling you, I am not by any means, the fittest, smallest or most disciplined person you have come across. But you know what? I have given the past two months my all.

At my last measure session, I had lost 75cm’s at the end of 6weeks. The scale and I are not the best of mates, but there is a notable difference in my clothing, my face, my booty, my everything. That however is nothing in comparison to what I have gained in motivation, self-belief and strength. What I have seen in myself in terms of personal growth and progression is astounding. I have realised what I am capable of, seen that I am only bound by the limitations I set, and that results speak louder than excuses. I have cleaned up my eating, see just about everything processed as a death wish. I have found an emotional balance that can’t be described, but I know I am now done with my old way of living. I am becoming the most XTREME version of myself.

***WARNING: Shameless punt ahead, read on only if you can't help yourself***

The workouts can be done from home or in a gym. The training plans are insane, but do able, the cardio-mix-it-up-try-not-to-kill-yourself's are my favourite! I now live for Monday and Tuesday.  There are meal guides and recipes, and an absolute wealth of knowledge and support from Carl and Chris. There is a group for encouragement and support which is absolutely priceless. Everything about the program fits perfectly together, and is the makings of a life changing story.

Get all the info here : 360 XBT - http://www.360training.co.za/360xbt/