A year in the making.

Washed by a flood of emotions, and immersed by a sense of reflection I sit here thankful for taking a decision to make the changes I have. A year ago I started to right the wrongs of the past. I started living a better, healthier life. I took a decision to treat my body in a way I had never felt was necessary, with kindness, energy and passion for living. What I essentially did was start setting myself free. In a lot of senses and in retrospect, I gave up who I was.

The vodka loving party girl, and her false sense of happiness are no more. Shame. She was replaced by a Kombucha fuelled trail blazer. Someone who I much prefer. Yes I do still get down to filthy beats, and yes I do still venture passed the feather boa curtain of gay clubs, and yes, there is still the more than occasional glass of wine involved. But all in all I’m the furthest thing imaginable from the person I was.

Happier, freer, more passionate, more real, more vibrant. I have transformed, am transforming, I am becoming a product of my true destiny.

Today, almost a year to the day of starting me new life, I received pictures of me in all my large and in charge glory. I was a maid-of-honour-type-something at an ethnic wedding right before I got my game plan together. Although being happy for my friend, and despite being as loud and ridiculous as I was, I was dreading having so much attention on me. Being one of two “white chicks” in the entire joint meant all eyes were on me, and not the bride – no jokes. In part I realised I would have been happier being the smoking hot centre of attention at least, you know. *wink*

 

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!

The difference a year, a mindset shift and 25+ kg's makes...

Needless to say, that picture almost sent me crashing off my chair. I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty or self-loathing aspect. I will rather touch on the relief. Relief that I woke the fuck up, made a move and stuck with it. I am hopelessly thankful that I overcame myself, and got out of my own way. Thankful that I embraced my new lifestyle head on. Every other “diet” has lasted not much longer than 5minutes, and there have been a not so fabulous repertoire of them. I need to sit back and wonder what would have happened to my life if I continued the way I was going. Where would I have ended up, and much more trapped would I be? That said, an entire year later I am still going strong, and am a sheizze load closer to my short skirts and Zara dresses.

A year later I have a handle on my life. I am loving my fresh new vibe. Am so incredibly thankful for my friends in fitness. These are people who have come into my life, cheered me on, backed me up and seen me through some outrageous spats of language that would shame a sailor. I am klapping my workouts. If you have been following my blog since the tender beginning you will know I wanted to be a workout thrasher from early on. I am honestly quite impressed by the way I took that on and owned it. My ass is looking great, by the way. My efforts have seen me lose 25kg’s and win 360XBT Season 3. Both unreal achievements for me. I have wrestled my emotional emotions, and won. I get excited about mud races, and early morning adventures. I am ploughing through my “one day” wardrobe. You know the things you buy impulsively because if you lose 5kg’s you’ll fit into it. Right. I have a new vision for my life. I want to live a life I never realised I wanted for myself, and I nudge closer to that every single day.

I do need to get a tad sentimental here and thank a monumental man for my success. Carl Mason Liebenberg, I applaud you. Your vision, authenticity, fight for freedom, passion and unrelenting need to live a better fuller life has permeated through so much of me, and is the essence of who I am becoming. Your dream and vision to transform lives has been something I have been deeply thankful for everyday of the past 7 months. You have given me my life back.

Ahem. Brief moment of tenderness aside. I cannot wait for the next 12months of life changing, inspiring, courageous, outrageous transformation. I look forward to pushing my limits, living beyond my comprehension and becoming the best version of myself I could ever create. There is so much more available to you within in this life, and you are the only thing stopping you from experiencing it. Want more for yourself, believe you are worth it. Fight for that person inside you that you need to do right by. Accept challenges, accept the fears you have and transform them into triumph.

Give yourself 12months. Believe me, it goes by in an instant. See just how much closer you get to you a new you, to a you that you never for a second thought was within you.

Flaming motivation.

This blog was initially going to be a write up delivered from the dark and dreary edgings of my mind. The places within me I very rarely admit to. The parts of me I have been addressing for a change. The passed little while has been an emotional rough ride for me. Despite my often brave face, and genuine moments of strength, I have felt incredibly uninspiring, weak, a failure, not enough, and truly just emotionally overwhelmed. However, quite fortunately I will spare you the details (for now). So no my darlings, I have not fallen off the side of planet earth. I have not eaten my way through a mountain of cheese burgers, or drank enough wine to float a cruise liner. I have not been on a bar hopping excursion to Barcelona. And saddest of all I have not met a rich ripped beast of a man who has kept me “busy”. Sigh. As dull as it is, the reason for my absence, has been reflection.

Although thankful for feeling everything that I needed to feel over the past while, I am even more thankful for my ability to flip the switch. For my ability to draw the line in the sand. I simply could not allow myself to be under the blanket of that emotional anguish any longer.

 

Yes, yes I am.

But this is not an invite to a pity party, this is a reminder that motivation starts with you. A reminder that sometimes you just need to bitch up, and get on with it. So I did, I bitched up, and I can move on to being fabulous again. I can move on to smashing workouts. I can move on to new projects, and feeding my passions. I can move on to questioning my sobriety, and just how drunk I was when I decided to enter the winter trail series. I want the freedom to bungee jump for breakfast because I am under the weight limit. I am in it for success, and to live a better life for myself than previously comprehended. I can and will hold my ground, and persevere until the day I live my best life.

Let me tell you something for free - you and only you, will determine your success on this journey. You and only you will make a decision to make what you have work. You and only you will put the work in, and make it count.  It’s so easy to say, no, this doesn’t work, and move onto something else. It’s incredibly easy, but you know what? And I’m sorry to have to tell this. If you really wanted results, you should stop looking for the next thing (unless its 360XBT, that is worth jumping ship for, trust me). Use what you already have to its absolute full potential. If you can’t make this work, why will the next thing? Almost a year, and almost 25kg’s later this is a message that ripples through me. Not because I wanted to quit, but because I know how easy it was in the past to give up. Change it up - sure, work smarter - sure, but before you say this is not working, analyse why. Is it the tools – or you? Take a deeper look, and make a choice to stick it out. Once that decision within you is crystal clear. Nothing and no one will stop you. There will be no doubt or questioning

There is no weapon more powerful than the human soul on fire.

As I said earlier, motivation starts with you. It starts with that fire inside you. It’s the blaze that burns through every doubt, every fear, and every moment of weakness. It isn’t in a constant stage of rage. Sometimes it needs a little stoking. You need a little reminder of what it feels like. I had lost it for a while, but somewhere along a trail run last weekend, I awoke. I felt bulletproof, I felt that inferno, and I remembered the level of tiger blood like passion.

Whatever you need to do to find it do it, but please don’t go on a pilgrimage. Get your shit together and get on with it. The next person who offers you an unmentionable eatable should be punched in the throat, and if you say, “yes, no one will know” you need an even harder punch in the throat. Say yes to crazy ridiculous challenges. When your mate tells you to sign up for a 10km crazy-as-hell trail run, give in to peer pressure! If the wheels flew off the wagon, and the horse has bolted, start walking, there will be another coming (sooner or later). There is no magic rattle snake potion that will turn you into an overnight gym thrasher, you need to find that within yourself, or klap stronger coffee, that works too. Ultimately every answer you seek is within you. I learn this time and time ago. You need to find that beast you’ve got shackled up and set it free. You need to set yourself on fire, and completely ignite every fibre of your core. There is no space of questioning, no room for prisoners, and no space for slackening. Find that motivation and hang onto it like it’s a winning lottery ticket, and then cash it in and change – your – life.

Magic and Wonder

It takes something larger than life to completely knock the wind out of me, and render me speechless. It takes something pretty damn crazy and radical. I generally scream louder than a teenage Bieber fan when I'm happy, excited or over the flippen moon. So speechless is a serious achievement. Two men, ( Carl Mason-

Liebenberg and Chris Walsh of 360XBT) did exactly that, with great success on April 10th.

My apologies to both of them for taking so long to write this piece of mind blown appreciation, but its taken than long for me to get my head and heart around it. You see the problem with a lack of communciation between those two elements means that it takes a while (and possibly a delicious glass of Delheim Cabernet Sauvignon) for things to fully sink in. Well sink in and actually write about it, which has been the more recent problem.

It's so important to believe and want amazing thing, but even the magic loving hopeless romantic in me could never have thought this up.

What happened? In a moment, my reality shifted, my heart lifted, my dreams prevailed, and a part of me was changed forever. 

I can not describe the feeling when I saw that. I have actually never felt it. A massive humbling cocktail of pride, elation, realness, euphoria, and absolute magic. Even though I've had some time to process this, it's still pretty surreal. I still feel like I'm wrapped in a cloud of Issey Miyake scented Candy Floss. 

If I look back I really am quite blown away by my progress and everything that transformed within me. I have never ever been this committed to anything for this long, or seen results like this. I've gone as far as saying this is the best thing I have ever done for myself. This has been boundlessly proven time and time again.

Three months of giving my absolute all afforded me more than I could have dreamed of.

And no. I don't mean just winning.

The thing is, I was just real, and being me. I was just pushing myself harder than I ever have. Going about my day to day. I never once expected that. Truth be told, when I started the program I just wanted change. I wanted to see a new face, and smaller reflection. If I have to think about why I started, that would need to be my answer. Change. As you know I had a mother of a Quarter Life Crisis . It was not pretty, there was so much inner turmoil I felt like I was drowning. There were  elements of my life that desperately needed changing, that I was devastatingly unhappy with. I needed new challenges, new thinking, new commitment, new passion. As it were I was looking in all the wrong places.

 Although 360XBT didn't fill in all the gaps, or make the complete changes I felt I necessary, it certainly ensured I realized my limits, and  gave me more perspective than I knew I needed. Its given me a sense of achievement, motivation and happiness that permeates throughout my life. Its given me a sense of self and personal growth that is all consuming. There is something incredible in finding strength within yourself that you never saw before, in seeing just how much you have changed.

I believed in magic, and that amazing things were possible. I stepped up, and made it count. I changed my head, my heart and in turn my life. Still a long way to go, and I feel like I'm only just beginning. Which is silly, I know. Ultimately though I now know what lies within me, and I know that I have barely scratched the surface.

Failure is not an option.

I’ll never forget the first time that question was posed to me. I had just started a business mentoring the success of others. It really made me think, it made me analyse my progress, and ultimately it shaped my thought process. I had it printed on my business cards, and I knew every time I passed one of those BC's on I would potentially change someone’s life; or at the very least their mindset about their own success.

There comes a point where we need to sit up and recognize that we are enough. That we have what it takes. That at the end of the day we matter, and are worth it. That failure is not an option.

This moment, may be fleeting, it might settle, and if we are really lucky it becomes who we are. If we are lucky we completely give in and let it consume us.

That said I've been asked a lot in the past week what changed? What got me here? What was the tipping point? It’s really hard to explain, but I committed to me. It’s not the momentum of results. It’s not the feel-good-post-workout-euphoria that feels like it’s in a permanent linger. It’s also not the endless rails of short skirts that are waiting for me.     Unwavering commitment is honestly the key that opened the tower and saved the princess. I committed to me. I gave my everything to my journey. I had blind faith in my "mentors" and I never held anything back. At some point along the way I realised I was worth it. That failure was not an option.

Another chapter out of my book of secrets is action. Please do not be fooled for a nano-second. Motivation and action very rarely come in that order. It’s all great, fare and well to want to get up and thrash a workout, but you actually have to get up and start. Get where I am going here?

 Action is needed before we can surpass anything, amount to anything, or change anything. It can be the tiniest inclination, or the decision that the buck stops right here. However it comes about; value that piece of self realisation as though it was a Louis Vuitton luggage set. 

Ask yourself some real questions.

You're inspired? Great, but are you motivated? Is what you want a firm belief within you, or just something that’s a swindling hope for the future? What will you give up in order to taste success?

Have you laid down the foundation? Or are you just scratching the surface?

Where are the goal posts? And this is a scary question. Are you the striker, or the goalie? Think about that for a minute.

Where is your fire? Where is your power? Where is the fighter in you?

Find it, all of it. That is what is going to change your life.

You have much to contribute to the world. You know what's in your heart. You know the passion that burns inside you.

You are worth it.

You are worth fighting for.

Believe it. Own it. Become it.

Crazy Dreamer

I remember being a little girl, probably around 5 or 6 years old. I had crazy curly hair, lively blue eyes, the imagination of Van Gogh, and every kind of stuffed toy, tea set, and doll a little girl could ever want to call hers. However despite my mountain of treasures, there was one in particular that I yearned for. At my tiny age and with spell bounding innocence, I had learnt what "want" was. What a burning desire was.

I remember lurking around the CNA to find my precious, peeping around corners, my little heart thumping in anticipation, and then being completely mesmerized when I saw her. Imagining how different my life would be if she were mine. Hawaii Barbie. Man she was beautiful. Long multicoloured hair, grass skirt, flowery garland, and every other element  Barbie had that fascinated little girls at that age. She was all my little heart wanted.

Not much has changed when it comes to wanting things in my life. I don't know half measures, so I want what I want with everything in me. Right now, I want bigger things than I have wanted in a very long time. I have a need, a passion, a goal, a hunger, a dream. A crazy, crazy dream.

I have been struggling so much with this blog, because this life changing realization leaves me both excited and scared. Completely struggling to articulate here. I watched this video and a little something clicked into place. I had long since recognized that this was a new venture I wanted to embark on. I came around and saw that it was possible, and knew this needed to be a part of this blog. This vid was a game changer for me.

Wanting more out of life is a natural human reaction or natural progression. Wanting extreme things, is well extreme. Wanting things pretty much out of your own comprehension, is madness. If your dreams don't scare you they aren't big enough right? Well, my dream is nothing short of scary. It’s going to take everything in me to push for it. Luckily, I have proven countless times over the past while and couple of years that I have the mind of a Nazi when it comes to focus on a cause.

I want to live a life of meaning. I life fuelled by passion, fuelled by life itself, by a dream to become a better me. I want to live a life whereby I am able to touch and transform lives. Help people attain and reach goals they never thought would be a reality. I want to live the life that I always wanted but never expected to be able to have.

This is coupled with the stark recognition that in order to completely meet and surpass every goal I ever set in terms of fitness and weight loss, I have to fall hopelessly and completely in love with this lifestyle I have adopted. I have to become it. It has become entrenched into every part of my being. I am very nearly completely there.

As a result future feels like it hangs in the balance. There is a duality in my head, half of me wants to keep in marketing and be the corporate bitch I have aimed for, for eons. Or go full on into Digital Advertising. Nothing would give me more joy 6 months ago than a Queen Bitch Exec Title. Then of course, there is the other half of me that wants to become a Personal Trainer, move to Cape Town, gaze at the mountain, and transform lives.

Yes, I just dropped PT up there.

Nuts hey?

And no, its not entirely new.

I say it often, I am an incredibly passionate, all or nothing person to my core, and every waking moment is spent on my journey. I am so consumed by it that it scares me sometimes. I can hardly remember a time when I was as committed to anything as I have to this. I want to grow and nurture that. I want to do for people what those who have held me up on my journey have done for me; I can think of no greater honour.

I think of the future and with absolute unwavering conviction I know what I want to fight for!

My crazy ridiculous larger than life dream?

Studying the following in this order, within the next two years.

Nutrition- Yoga - Personal Training

My current studies make me yawn, endlessly and uncontrollably.

Looking for schools for all of the above has brought out a blazing inferno in me that just isn’t being tamed, or put out.

I have an endless curiosity and I want to have the best understanding of Nutrition that I can get. I was a Wellness Coach for 18months, and loved the endless info and insights into the human body. It’s time to grow, and hone those skills in. Utilize them as a part of understanding one of the many aspects of my transformation.

Yoga and Personal Training have always been at the back of mind. They have always been there, but I never deemed either possible. Yes I do know exactly the kind of work and commitment it will entail, but I also know what my strengths are beyond any shadow of a doubt. I also know that the last thing this world needs is "another personal trainer". What the world needs is a PT who truly has her shit down, who has walked the road, faced the demons and came out on top. Who understands the elements needed to guide inspire and motivate. When I'm there I'll be able to tick all of the above off. My continuous strive to be the absolute best at what I do is going to pay off in immeasurable ways.

To be honest I remember bumping into an old mate of mine who; I didn't realise he knew other mates of mine who were trainers, nor did I realise he had studied with them. I had half jokingly said I would also love to be a trainer, and he said "You'll have a lot of work to do, but it can be done". If not, why the fuck not?

One day at a time is all it takes to make a life.

So, I want to ask you, how big are you dreams? How scary are they? Are you willing to go the distance for them? Do you have conviction? Do you recognize that motivation and starting don't necessarily come in that order?

I want you to think about the things that you have really, really wanted, and brushed off because you would be an idiot for believing it could work. How different would your life have been if you put aside self doubt?

What is that you want? When are you going to go after it with both hands and everything in you?

The above video, left me on the verge of tears, and riddled with goose bumps. It hit home in ways that I had never experienced. It shook me, it opened me up, and it has cemented within me. I have seen it before, but for the first time inside the depths of me I knew that the only thing crazier than my dream is not pursuing it.

I have grasped that at the end of my journey I will have a story of bravery, courage, and determination mirrored by few. That at the end of this I will want to devote my life to transforming lives. To showing people their own personal power.
If I'm changing my life, why stop short of greatness?

Madness and Euphoria

NOTE. This a fore warning, there is some major PG13 language up in here. You may have guessed this by the blog image. HAAHAA. Don't be shocked, this is real, and me, and how I speak. Also, you may want to ensure you put any warm beverages aside if you're a saddist, and enjoy my humour, there is bound to be spillage.

I have just spent 30minutes, screaming with laughter in my car on my drive home. Not because I am bat shit crazy, but because I have come to the conclusion that I am incredibly quick to say that was crazy, or INSANE, or hardcore. 

Let me tell you, what I have just done, was the hardest thing I have done in my entire fucking life. Honest to god. Everything before that 6km Trail Run suddenly feels pretty average. 

I started off with a little trot, thinking this ain't so bad. I'm strong, I can do this. This was quickly replace by a "Woah, there sailor, you have clearly forgotten, you don't even run in your dreams". So I did my usual power walk. There was a little uphill. Again, this isn't so bad. I'm strong. I can do this. Much huffing and puffing already. I had long since broken a sweat. I had yet another moment of realization  that I am "gym fit" I can thrash the shit out of a workout, but running and endurance and I do not get along. Little 5km Park Runs and I get along sweetly, but as soon as I step up the pace, I am put in my place.

I thought I was put in my place. I joked about last weekends hike, with the hills, and the bugs and the potential threat of hill billy's. I joked about hills making me their bitch. Shit just got real today! Fucken fast.

In all my history of training and pushing and workouts I can only remember one lonely occasion where I nearly puked during a workout, that was my very first session with my personal trainer. Yes I'm strong like Mother Russia, because believe me I push myself. Today, I nearly "Power Spat" about 10 times going up the hill. Came so close at a few points I was looking for a bush, and wondering if the martials overhead would see me in my fast approaching very un-lady like predicament. How I didn't, I actually can not tell you. Said hill from today was every insane workout I have ever done, crunched together and amplified by around 100. That shit will kill people. As I was going up, I thought "Its no wonder they ask for your medical aid details when you enter".  I even deployed Mr Carl Cox and a Techno onslaught to fuel me, it failed dismally. I have never, ever, in my entire life, done anything like that. Not even close.

"Started from the bottom now we're here." This is about midway up.

I tackled that hill after my legs were ready to quit. After my head was seriously wondering what the fuck I had gotten myself into. After I for a split second wondered how far it would be to get my ass back. Again, strong like mother Russia. The mind is indeed a powerful thing.

Walter Sisulu has made me his bitch. Again, I have jokes, and I have said this often, today it really happened. I even did a little bum surfing on some loose rocks during the decent to consummate this union.
Speaking of bums, if i keep that up, I will have an ass like the Rock of Gibraltar. Motivation much? I think so!

There was however a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, when I got to that water station, I felt like the first Arab that struck oil. Elated is putting it mildly. But the real light, was seeing my girls waiting for me after they had long since finished up. This also has something to do with me having their phones and car keys, haaaaaahahahahahaha, well played there Mich. Kidding. ;)

"The Dream Team" - Louisa, Miss Faboosh, Tanya & Farrah

Friends don't do that to friends. No. Real friends encourage one another to push themselves, which is exactly what Farrah did when she pushed me to enter. Thank you to Farrah, Louisa and Tanya for sharing this with me, and pushing me. That finish line was a shining moment in my life and journey. Next time I'll sprint to finish for you, when I'm not so broken.

I am so forever fucken proud of myself for that spat of sweat, near tears, and sheer relentless drive.
I have set the bar pretty damn high for myself now. I can now say "On a scale from 1 to Merrell Autumn Trail Run, stop kidding yourself, its about a 2. Harden the F up and push harder". I didn't come in stone last, but I did bring up the rear, with my almost 2 hours long near death experience. But I did it, and I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a machine in me who is boss. That my heart is much stronger than my head, and that I can conquer much more than mountains.

Event Details - Merrell Autumn 6km Trail Run, organised by Mountain Runner
http://mountainrunner.co.za/

Moments of definition, joy and swearing.

mo·ment

  [moh-muhnt] noun

1.

an indefinitely short period of time; instant: I'll be with you in a moment.

2.

the present time or any other particular time (usually preceded by the  ): He is busy at the moment.

3.

a definite period or stage, as in a course of events; juncture: at this moment in history.

4.

importance or consequence: a decision of great moment.

5.

a particular time or period of success, excellence, fame, etc.: His big moment came in the final game.

This passed week has been full of moments, little fragments of time, the greater majority of which just snuck by me, and escaped into the abyss of every other moment passed. There were however a handful that really struck me in the most pleasant of ways. A moment remains just that until it is lived, felt, absorbed, remembered.

.:A Moment of Wonder :. 

Just before I got out of bed I felt I needed to address the sensitivity (understatement of the year) in my legs. I had killed them for a week, and payback was being a bitch. So I lifted them up, and silently said I was sorry. It was then that I appreciated that they are transforming, and seriously taking shape. Slimmer, sleeker, more defined. No they weren't perfect, but even in my more than half asleep state I was in awe. They are mine and this was the beginning of a beautiful love affair. Now be aware, I have always hated my more than generously proportioned Swiss German calves. Until one day I decided screw this, I quite like wearing skirts, and then out of nowhere I received compliments? My legs? These kick a ball to Cairo legs? And no, they definitely were not admiring my tan either. I was shocked to say the least. Having said that, the afore mentioned love affair is a big thing for me. My thighs, shit damn, possibly my proudest effort yet.

Then, while going about my morning whirlwind I did a double take in the bathroom mirror. Again not perfect, but when on earth did that happen? I've shaved off 102cm's in 8 weeks, and only now do I wake up? Yes I have noticed how differently everything is fitting, I have noticed gradual changes. This morning in particular though I was really taken a back. Everything has shrunk, and it could have been over night for all I noticed. The fact of the matter is that one day you notice that the person staring back at you has changed considerably.

.: A Moment of Weakness:.

One of my darling brothers had been up for a week long visit, and with him comes an onslaught and utter gauntlet of everything anyone eating as clean as I have prays to never come across. From little Kinder Easter Eggs, to a cocktail of cookies, and Whiskey. It is never pretty. My resistance is pushed to its max, although this time around I was quite surprised at how easy it was to walk passed and not be in the least phased by what he has to tempt me.

That is until I wondered how the chips and Fanta made into my mouth. No really, I was so incredibly shocked by this! Before I had even grasped what was happening, what I had done, what the crunch in my mouth was, I had a bottle of Fanta pursed to my lips, washing down Lays, with a semi satisfied smirk on my face. This was so normal for me at a time in my life, and yet now that moment of realization felt a lot like I imagine an out of body experience would. My higher self was frowning down, asking "What the actual f**k is going on here"?

I made it almost made it 7 entire days, before this little incident. Which is about 7 times my previous records. I can also go on to say that I had two sips of Whiskey, and decided it wasn't for me. Shock. Horror. Trips over jaw. I also had about 4 fries before I decided they taste like nothing and would be a pointless one way ticket to self loathing.

I'm totally human, and okay with the shit I caught on to. No one is perfect, and I am far from it. Point is, I saw the error in my ways and moved right along. I am more impressed by what I had overcome and recognized, than I am ashamed of my slip up.

.: A Moment of Adventure:.

I just don't do the out-doors. The bugs, Grasshoppers especially. The spiders (I can tell you many a story here). The fear of sunburn. The lack of 3 star and above toilets. The thought of being caught in a hill billy trap. You know, all completely rational reasons. So when people invite me to go camping or hiking I let out a scream of laughter, promptly followed by, No.

I remember hiking in high school. Heavy bag, two days of walking, and swearing, and not packing the right clothes, shoes, or food. Joy. I also remember being so freaked out by the silence that I called a mate back home and asked him to put the radio on so I could here music. Again, joy, and swearing.

So when I actually agreed to go for a hike, the person who invited me waited for a "Just Kidding". They never got it. Out of sheer bravery or stupidity I try everything once, sometimes more than one to cement what an idiot I an be. I agreed to a baby morning session, at Suikerbosrand, a nature reserve which I have been going to for many years, and enjoyed from the comfort of a car.

As always I never get the opportunity to ease in. I was pushed into the deep end, face first, hard and fast. Flat straights are for girls apparently, unadventurous girls. We went STRAIGHT up the first hill before my pre-workout had realised it was in my stomach. Joy, and swearing. De-ja-vu. I was hit by shock waves of realizations that yes, I can thrash the ish out of a workout, but hills will make me their bitch. After what felt like a lifetime of torture I decided it was time to retreat. I did not comprehend that getting down, made going up look like a walk in the park. Who ever said "Where ever you, be all there" was a hiker, trying desperately not to see their arse. Focus of a goggle eyed chess titan, let me tell you!

By virtue of me posting this, it means I survived this ordeal. I will be honest and say it was cool. I did not enjoy it. What I did enjoy though was pushing myself, and I have decided I will rehash this to continue doing so, and to build and work on my fitness goals. Who'da thunk it?

.: A Moment of Reflection :.

Suikerbosrand has this magical treasure of a "Tourist Route", a 60km route with the most amazing views, and a chance to see Zebra's, buckies and dung beetles (which make me wanna say "they see me rollin' "). The reserve is also now frequented by RUNNERS and cyclists, which makes you feel like a total douche in your car as you take in the scenery. I'm no where near that hardcore, so enjoy yourselves and shout if you need a lift. Toodles. 

With my legs still shaking, and Goldfish pumping in the background I was hit by more than a little nostalgia. A year ago I was miserable at work, had every excuse under the sun as to why I could not hit the gym, and actually just wanted a change. The last thing I would have done a year ago was take a trip up a hill, at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning. I would not even have done so for love or money. A year ago I wouldn't have dreamt of finding so much fulfillment in my swanky new current lifestyle. Never did I think I would go without wine and sushi for the length that I have (which by the way I would sell my grandmother for at the moment). And yet, here I am, having just hiked around 5km's give or take, I have hit my workouts like a ton of bricks, and achieved more in 2 months than I have in a lifetime of dieting.

Rather Ironically here is the Goldfish song playing in the background while most of this was cruising through my head.

Three Second Memory By Goldfish

(Lyric's by David Poole and Dominic Peters except Chorus by Marlena Shaw)

...Do you remember me

I don’t even know anymore and

I’ll tell you this for free

Something’s don’t make sense in the morning

Three second memory

Helps you to forget all the same and

Sometimes it’s what you need

To move on with life again

Life again, strife again

She rode off on her bike again

Perfect ten, never again

I don’t know quite where to begin

There’s evidence that ever since

She left perfume and finger prints

I won’t let you 

I won't let you won’t forget you... 

With all these moments, where is my here and now? I think its fairly obvious that there is a lot going on in my head. From goals I need to set, to ridiculous long term dreams that will get their own blog. That I seriously need to either have clothing items (specifically pants) taken in OR I need to hit the shops. Next 360XBT challenge is coming up, whoop whoop! Its a mess up there, which is not new.

A week or so ago I made a commitment to me, to the next year, to my journey. I'm quite chuffed with my decision to dive straight into the deep end. I've been sworn to secrecy (by someone else not myself, that would be weird) so I can't spill all. What I can say is that I am proud of the decisions I am making. I am proud of my journey, and my progress.

I have also made a promise to myself to not let so much slip passed me. So much of my life runs by with barely a glimpse. Its amazing how conscious I have become. How much more aware I am of things around me. Almost as though I am awaiting a new big moment.

Each moment if we really live in it, allows us to connect more with life.

What do you need to do to start living?
What are the moments that bring you to life?

Think about that for a minute.