Make Progress or Make Excuses

Progress is not watching the scale plummet. Although it is wonderful, it is not always that easy. It’s not always easing into a pair of jeans that you bought for "one day". Rewarding as it is, it's not about taking your measurements and being completely blown away (as I was yesterday).

Progress my lovies is everything that gets you to that point.  Its every single foot in or out of place that has gotten you to where are right now. For anyone who has ever been on any significant voyage to wellness, you would know it ain’t effortless. Not in the least, or maybe that’s just me?

So what is progress really then? It’s finding yourself in KFC after a Park Run, (because there is nowhere else in the area to go to). Ordering coffee and being told all variants have milk in them, and as a result ordering nothing but a steaming cup of Rooibos Tea. Rooibos Tea, at KFC, think about that for a minute...  No matter how good that chicken smells, no matter how much your little heart aches, no matter that the heifer sitting next to you is enjoying every last bite of her KFC (for breakfast) you enjoy the s**t out of your tea, and want nothing more or less.

It’s being brave enough to try on a pair of trousers that are a size smaller than usual. I would love to say they fitted perfectly, but, with a little "encouragement" they did. The normal size? Oh that loser was too big. 

Progress is taking your workouts one day at a time, and giving each day everything that you have got. It is paying off more than I ever expected. I see my strength increase pretty much daily. I push hard, and I have tried new things, which includes things I never imagined I would be able to do. Today I feel like death warmed up, it's a protein day, my new foe and blood pressure issue seems to be doing its thing, and I suspect from all the sneezing I am coming down with the flu. But workout I will, and I’m going to smash it, because results speak way louder than excuses.

Earlier today, my colleague offered to hook me up with something from the café. Without thinking I shrieked and begged for Biltong. I handed over my hard earned $$$ and waited. Only to be hit with a shock wave of a feeling close to guilt and a lot like dread. Biltong would be a very bad idea, as it would undoubtedly and inevitably be filled with sugar and an entire list of things I’m trying to avoid. Thankfully the café is more useless than a pot roast at a bake sale, and I have my moolah back in my purse. *phew* Close call, and yes, this too is progress.

Normally I toddle along through life not concerned about what goes into my mouth, what workouts I don't do, oblivious to my spreading waistline, but apparently not anymore. Apparently I have changed, a lot.

Years and years of yo-yo missioning has meant that I'll lose 5kg's and pick up 2kg's. Lose 7kg's and pick up 4kg's. The last was a literal case of losing 12kg's and picking up 4kg's, because I never damn well hold it out.  I'm a total dork when it comes to this. I always think ooh you know I've lost 10 entire kg's it'll never come back, time for C A K E, and before I wipe the sheizze storm from my eyes I’m pretty much back to step one. 

The curtain has come down on this little dance. There is a new show in town. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Cha-Cha walks, but on the dance floor, not across stumbling blocks. For the first time in my entire life I have realised that come what may I am sticking to my guns. I will squat through any craving, and remind myself how shoddy I feel after a bowl of Creamy Saucy Pasta or plate of Fish and Chips with a side of grease, washing down by canola oil. I don't know where I've summoned the resilience from, but I feel it in every fibre of my being. No I’m not saying I pledge sobriety, or that I'll never eat anything out of line again. I am me, and I didn't become this fabulous by eating salad. I have learnt from my not so wise decisions, and I have made promises and commitments to myself.

If I can sit at a social table without a glass of wine in hand, I am making progress. If I can order a steak and salad when the wafting smells of pizza linger around me, I am making progress. If I can walk 5km's for the first time in forever, without taking a single break (other than to take a picture of a Springbok), I am making progress.

A friend of mine always used to crack me up and say: “With perseverance the snail also made in onto the Ark”. This is exactly what this journey is. My journey is me hauling ass whether it be it sprinting, walking or crawling. As long as I am chipping away a little every single day, I am making progress.

Smoldering love affair.

Today is Valentines Day, the day of love, adoration, butterflies and devotion. I am happy to announce that I have a new love in my life, and I have found all that. Someone or rather something that makes me weak at the knees, ignites my core, makes my head all woozy, and sets me free. 

We've had a rocky relationship up until now, call it more of a hit and run booty call if you must. And mostly its been a case of "it's not you, it's me". I was just never able to fully commit. I've been here and there, and then all of a sudden on the 13^th January 2014, something changed. A love hate relationship ignited into mad passion. Who would have thought?

The new forever love of my life? Training. And today is the day after our first month-iversary. I think the first of many.

In this time I have learnt that:
:: I can push myself beyond levels I can comprehend.
:: Mountain climbers are not the devil.
:: 100 squats is just the start.
:: Actually, yes, I can complete exercises that I simply laughed off when watching the video.
:: I am incredibly uncoordinated. For realz, it's a problem.
:: This is a lifestyle change. Its not a quick, lose a few KG's plan. This is who and what I want to be.

//Side Note: After a vile, putrid day today (nothing to with cupid, or a lack thereof), I   completely hurled myself into a workout, rather than a bottomless glass of Absolut. I can comfortably say I do not think I saw that coming. 

As I said previously, I thought I knew what a workout was. I can do sit ups, squats and leg raises like a champion. I have even on more than one occasion made my treadmill cry. I can do chair dips, and bicep curls with my little 2kg weights. I am totally boss, come at me bro.

Needless to say my famously big mouth and I were breathless and speechless in the even more famous Yoga Corpse Position after workout one. I did not know how to get up, or if my legs were ever going to forgive for what I had just put them though.

I felt like these guys ( http://www.360training.co.za/ ) came along and pimp smacked me with a kettle bell. It was brutal, exhilarating and boundlessly rewarding.I just kept going ever since.

I thought I had a psycho sadist for a personal trainer back when I had one. My friend once said: "My personal trainer is the devil. I'm lucky though because I think she likes me." This is exactly how I think of my old whip cracker. However I've come to realise its mostly all me. I'm the driver. She was more like a GPS. Maybe my desire is different, I don't know, maybe I just tell myself to suck it up and finish the damn set.

There is an unmistakable, sense of pride, and I'm not quite sure what that comes with each workout. With each completed set even. No they aren't all easy or with perfect form. But you know what? I hit them as hard as i effing can.

For the next week I hope 'Mr Training" and I will get together 6 times. I am starting to crave that rush, the sweat, and the post workout fist pumps. My aim is to give myself completely to my training plan. No excuses, no turning of active rest days into rest days, no half jobs on the KB's. All or nothing.

Like with love, what is the point of going into it if you are going to hold back? 
So training, this is me hopelessly devoted to you. I hope you're ready.

Kicking down doors, and taking names.

I feel like I need to haul out the feather duster, and give this blog a good dust and polish. Its been so long since I posted anything. Goodness me. So yes, this is going to be a mad dash update. Fasten your seat belt.

Fear not, there has been no shortage of Fitness or Fabooshness.
Although at one point I did fall so hard off the wagon, I got hit by the next one. Ahem. Moving along.

I am busy with the following program, (but I will blog about this separately). http://www.360training.co.za/360xbt-1-year/

I experience all new levels of pain and exhilaration each week, haahaa. I seriously thought I knew a thing or two about fitness and training, until this put me in my place. Watching my own progress has been phenomenal, seeing what I'm capable of has been priceless!

Then of course, you don't know clean eating until you have Reset / Rebooted or Whole 30ed. Stop kidding yourself, bitch up, and just do it. No, I'm not perfect at this either, but I am about to be. February has been perfectly squeaky clean, and I have every intention for it to stay that way for a very long time to come. The results are mind-effing-blowing if you just commit to it.

Living the life of fabulosity has not been as rawks as usual. This new focus of mine has dampened my mojo a tad. I'm still off the rocker me, just with less Vodka. I have made up for it though. You know because the entire world needs to know I'm kicking my QLC in the teeth, I had not one, but two birthday parties. I have a pretty large and varied group of friends, so get together's are not always on the cards. Little makes me cringe more than awkward social situations. It is for this reason that the second party was pretty much fueled by my famous Pimms. Drink up darling. Make a new buddy.

I am enjoying spending real, and quality time with people I love. Kicking back, reflecting and reveling in my own space, this is not something I do easily or often. It means less time shopping, I am trying really hard at this! Although I did  I hit the mall like a rabid beast and splurge on training pants this weekend. I am an entire size smaller, so yes it was necessary. No I'm not justifying.  All of this means that I'm resting better, and less fragile on Saturday mornings (if you know what I mean), so I am trying new things like Park Runs, Trail Runs, and now H I K I N G which I never, and I mean, never thought I would do. All I think of is spiders. I've always sworn I would never go hiking unless I was in Wellies, but I just decided to stop being such a pussy.

So no dear reader, its not Tequila sprawled nights anymore, but sometimes being magically faboosh is as simple as trying new things.

Aside from everything up there a lot has happened.  Life has been crazy. I'm just constantly on the go, 2014 is running at about 240km's per hour. Its taken me no less than 4 sitting to crack this blog. Work has been crazy, right before I started the blog I was promoted. For the better, on paper at least. As a result I am planning a most beautiful theatrical escape. I've realised there is so much more to life. There is so much more that I want out of life other than 2 hours of traffic, and 8 hours of bullshit.

...And then slap bang in the middle of that, I completed my Reiki Level 2 training. Something that has completely blown me away. Truly. It changes a part of me every single day. I can not describe it, or explain it, but something inside me has been Ctrl. Alt. Deleted.

Part of the Reiki process has been emotional clearing. Let me tell you, staring at the past, and everything you have tried to run from for fear of not holding it together anymore, is not easy. Allowing everything to be released when all you have done for countless years is hold on, is not easy.

I have had great days, down days, can't-contain-myself-crazy days, days where I literally just want to weep, days when I want to give up, days when I want to sell everything and live somewhere with beaches and Thai massuers. It really has been a whirlwind of every kind of emotion. Half the time I can't even understand the things I feel, why I feel them, or where they come. I have come to realise that it is all much much better out than in. It's all essential to progress, all the pieces of Michelle are falling back into place.

In hind sight, this renewed emotional balance could not have come at a better time. Weight loss and a change in lifestyle is as much an emotional and mental challenge as it is a physical. It is a journey into every cell that brings you to life, whether it be dark, distorted or perfectly radiant. Kind of like a long walk to freedom.

I'm going to cut myself short there before start to wonder if you hit the snooze button.

I have a shiny new sense of take-no-prisoners. A mindset that is simply not wavering. And the very cliched crystal clear vision. My new Tiger Blood trio. The only thing stopping me will be myself, and I've stepped out of my own way.